Do you have a hard time standing up for yourself? Do you tolerate inappropriate comments or annoying people because you can't handle conflict? Do you feel obligated to be there for your family all the time or used by your boss? Do you agree to do things when you really don't want to do them? I am sure you can identify with at least one of the scenarios.

Setting stronger boundaries and saying NO is taking personal responsibility to improve your life. It's up to you what other people can or cannot do to you. It's your choice to say NO! You need to speak up clearly and ask specifically for what you want:

• No, it's not okay with me that you comment on my parenting skills.
  I'd like to ask you to stop.
• No, I'll have to sleep on it. I have a policy of not making decisions right away.
• No, I know I agreed to volunteer, but after reviewing my schedule, I now realize that I won't be able to give it my best attention.
• No, you may not yell at me.

So, how do you learn to set boundaries with other people? There are basically three steps to setting a boundary:

1. Clearly identify your boundaries
What specific behavior do you find unacceptable? Be as descriptive as possible. Is it reasonable to expect the behavior to stop? If yes, it’s time to start setting a boundary.

2. Talk to the person about their behavior and ask them to stop
Be aware that they probably don’t know what upsets you, so you have to tell them. Pick a time when you can discuss the topic quietly. Keep your language simple. For example, if you have a home office and your children keep interrupting you while you work ask them to stop but also let them know at what time you’ll be there for them.

3. Let them know about the consequence
People need to know what steps you will take to protect the boundary that you have set. For example, you will not be able to go to the movies with your kids because you have to work late after all the interruptions. They will miss out of the fun... Without stating the consequence you are just grumbling and you will not get what you want. Plus, you're wasting your time because you have to do it again and again. Be sure you are willing to deliver the consequence.

Sometimes their behavior occurs again because they might not be used to you making clear and specific requests. Just remind them once! If the behavior continues, follow through with the consequence. Be aware of empty threats though. You've lost the battle if you're not willing to carry through the consequence. Parents and caregivers know how excellent children are at pushing you on this one!

Now, look at your personal and business relationships. Are there any boundaries you need to set? Start today! As always, if you need support around the topic, I’d be happy to coach you. Just send me an e-mail to pj@creativepartner.com

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"Obstacles can't stop you. Problems can't stop you. Most of all, other people can't stop you. Only you can stop you."

~ by Jeffrey Gitomer

Too Nice for Your Own Good
by Duke Robinson

Description:
If you're like most folks, you were raised to be "nice." Yet now you find yourself asking: "If I'm so nice, why isn't my life better?" Renowned minister and lecturer Duke Robinson has the answer. Robinson says that well-intended behavior is essential to a humane society, but carries a down side. Being nice often means we take on too much, tell little lies, strive endlessly for perfection, and fall prey to other self- defeating behaviors. Now Robinson outlines the nine unconscious mistakes nice people make daily, and he shows how to correct them and avoid unnecessary stress with life-affirming actions. Learn how to: *Say "no" and save yourself from burnout *Tell others what you want, and actually receive it *Express anger in healing ways that maintain valued relationships *Respond effectively when irrationally criticized or attacked *Liberate your true self. Are you, like many of us, too nice for your own good? This remarkable book will empower you to get what you need and deserve out of life . . . and still be a nice person!

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